How was it starting my natural hair journey? Many people look at my hair now and admire it so much. I receive endless compliments on my hair and how it looks on me. I have had people stop me out of nowhere and ask me what products do I used. I have even had people almost run me over with their buggie (That’s what we call a shopping cart here in Louisiana) admiring my hair. The journey to get to this point was all, but glamorous and pretty. It was tough actually.
I had hit a rough patch. I was 26 years old. I did not know what was going on with my body and my surroundings. It felt like everything was slipping out of my hands. It was hard to remember things. I was hard to get things on track. Finally; after all of my years of hard work and trying to prove that I was a great leader, someone had finally taken a chance on me and gave me the position as property manager. I had done well. However, I was not balancing my life well. My healthy was failing, my home was chaotic, but my financial situation was amazing and so was my property. What was more important? I couldn’t see what I was losing when I thought I was gaining.
I found myself neglecting my values and trading my beliefs to meet financial goals. If I look back on how I handled things I would truly say that I sold my soul. No one on Earth deserves that much of me. If my job needed something, I made sure that I put whatever was going on, or needed in my personal life on hold to accomplish what they needed. After all, most people act like their request just cannot wait. It has to be done now or it will be the end of the world. That’s not so true. I hate that it took being admitted into the hospital and seeing the look of fear on every one of my family member’s faces for my mentality to change.
When I went natural, I was down stairs in my kitchen. I was highly stressed. My husband was upstairs showering and I think my daughter was watching movies or sleep. I was downstairs alone. I had tears in my eyes. I was stressed and full of fear. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was not happy. I was not happy with who I had become. I took scissors to my hair. I just started cutting. I didn’t cut my hair bald, but I cut it very low. Everyone was shocked. I was relieved.
As I look back on it I realized that the cutting symbolized having to cut things out of my life in order to grow. I ended up cutting a long term best friend out of my life. It hurt me to my core, but it was necessary. I ended up quitting my job. I ended up distancing family members and blocking people who did not align with my journey. It’s not that they are bad people, but there was no alignment and I could not grow if I kept attachments that weren’t meant to be on my path.
More than anything I just wanted a good life. I wanted friends and family I could grow with. I wanted to be around people who wanted to discuss goals and dreams. I wanted to be around people who weren’t just looking out for themselves. I wanted a real career that I could thrive in. I wanted to look good and feel good. I wanted to be the best. I wanted to grow. More than anything on this Earth, I don’t want any more regrets. I don’t want to go backwards. I only want t move forward in a good way. Today I can actually that things are not perfect, but much better than they were are that point. My natural hair is more than hair to me. It symbolizes growth that I couldn’t have achieved without hitting rock bottom first.