There are a lot of people who would be so very disappointed that they are not were they expected themselves to be. Honestly, for the longest time, I was one of those people. I had high expectations for myself. I expected to achieve so much. by the time I was 25. Well…now…I am 28 years old. I did not want a mediocre life. I had a list of things that I wanted. I was oh so very sure that I wanted it.
My old list consist of some of the following:
- Bachelors Degree
- Masters Degree
- Fancy apartment in a metropolitan area over looking the city
- I great job with a fancy title that allowed me to travel, carrying a laptop around, attend meetings, and a fancy office
- I did not have a desire to be married. If it happened great, but it wouldn’t affect my career and goals.
- I wanted to branch off and own my own business
- I did not want children and if I did I wanted it to happen in my 30’s.
- I wanted to be able to get items I liked on the spot without having to wait til next payday.
I had made up this world in my mind that I expected to live in. I wanted it and nothing else. Needless to say…that is not how life ended up being for me. I found myself full of resentment and frustration. I was envious of people I saw finishing college. I was envious of people who were getting and maintaining “good jobs”. I wanted my goals too. I felt like everyone was obtaining theirs, and I was a spectator. It felt like everyone was moving along and here I was stuck.
I felt stuck for a while. Not to mention at the time I had no positive influences around me. It was hard. It was hard for a very long time.I resented what I was going through and the people who were steering me. Most importantly, I resented myself for letting them steer me, and all of this happen. My question to myself was, “How would I could out of this?” Even scarier than that…would I come out of it, or is my fate this path for the rest of my life.
True. I look back on somethings now and realize there are something’s that I could have done better. I could have reacted better in some situations. I could have responded better in some situations, but who is perfect? We all do things that could have been better, but the question is would it have been who we are? I find that out of most people I have encountered, I beat up on myself the most. I expect so much out of myself and when it doesn’t go as planned I resent myself.
There was a long and hard road to forgiveness for me. I had to learn how to forgive myself of all people. When I looked back on my previous goals, some of my goals were pretty good. However, it would have been a very lonely one. My husband and my daughter mean so much to me. I enjoy them. I cannot imagine life without them. They are seriously my best friends above all. I had to realize somethings. I had to step back an appreciate where I have been and where I am not. It was hard, but I STILL COME THROUGH IT. Now, thats not to say that everything is so perfect and nice and neat. Where I am is a much better place than where I was. All the degrees in the world could not give me what I have now and even the knowledge that I have obtained is not taught in schools. Hell people with degrees ask me business questions all the time.
Realizing that life will not always go as planned and accepting that will free you so much. You have to start from where you are and just work your way up. There is always away. Sometimes there is always a better way. Sometimes the way that you thought you should go wasn’t what was best for you. I don’t know. All I know is that looking at how others live their lives will destroy you. They are human and they have regrets as well. We are all just learning day by day.
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